I had an interesting chat with a chap the other day.
He wanted a strategy to deal with a business meeting meal that he had coming up that week.
He was concerned about the level of boozing that was going to be taking place. I asked him why he thought this was going to happen. Reply; it is "expected of him" on these occasions.
I was interested to see who had told him it was 'expected'.
How had that been communicated to him - that he was, in fact, expected to get smashed at this event? "Well, it’s an unwritten rule isn’t it?” was the response.
I explained how his goals and outcomes are the most important thing, and how achieving his goals should excite him more than feeling like he needs to booze with these people.
The thing is, we often modify our behaviour to fit in with people that we really don’t want to be like at all. We change what’s important to us just so we can gain the approval of those people. How mad is that?!
So, the strategies we put in place were to; first - put in an activity the next day that he cared about more than drinking. And then second - really to grow up and tell these people; “Look, to be honest, I have this (insert event) tomorrow. I want to be on form to discuss business with you guys, and I want to be on top form for that one too, so I'm not drinking this evening."
We discussed how his happiness and contentment with hitting his goals are far more important than letting his peers feel good about sabotaging his outcomes.
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